Again...

Well, it's been two and a half weeks and I figure I have put this post off long enough. I don't really know what I was waiting for because I've had lots of time on my hands, but somewhere in me thought if I didn't actually type it, it really didn't happen.

But the reality is that it did happen - again. We found out two Wednesdays ago that our newest set of 3 embryos didn't survive. Things were a little different this time... there were actually symptoms pointing to positive news, but ultimately it was not. From what the doctor can tell us, they must have implanted for a short time, but couldn't sustain themselves. This was our second, and final attempt. The doctor assured us that we could try again because he cannot see anything medically wrong, but we feel that God has closed this door. To try again would be financially and emotionally too costly.

To say that we are grieving would be an understatement. To reconcile what we have been through and those we have lost is something that we are having trouble doing. It often feels like a bad dream that I desperately want to wake from. I wish that I had greater faith to see how this is for my ultimate good in God's plan, but my heart is too broken to see that, and honestly there are some things in life we will never understand. One note of solace I did get from my dear friend, Adrienne, and I will write it here to encourage myself along with anyone who reads this... While so many friends and family around the States and even around the World were praying to see these little lives born, we can be encouraged that as wonderful a lesson of life that would have been, how wonderful it still is that those same hundreds of people are now mourning the loss of these lives that so many wouldn't have thought were lives to mourn...

I thank you for your care and prayers. We desperately need them as the days and weeks pass. Life has returned to as much as normal as possible. But there are many hard days ahead...